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Weight-Loss Programs Don't Talk Enough About Failure

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Claudia Van Nes
All the schemes to part us from our fat don't make enough room to talk about our failures, says a reader who's tried, during a 30-year period, Weight Watchers several times, NutriSystem, TOPS and a private nutritionist.

"What I found is that they all really want to provide support but either don't know how or are too rigid to allow for discussion of weight-loss failures," she writes.

What this reader has turned to is online weight-loss groups, which other readers have mentioned from time to time.

This reader likes the chat rooms because "there is no judgment being passed."

"When I announce I had a bad food day, or week, or month, they don't look at me reproachfully, or change the subject, or tell me how to fix what I did wrong. They send messages that make me feel valued, and they launch into motivational techniques to get me back on the wagon," says this reader, who also appreciates the privacy.

She says she checks in about every day and doesn't have to post her weight, measurements or goals if she doesn't want to.

"And," she says, " if I decide I'm overwhelmed with the topic, I turn off the computer. At this point in time, my weight journey is a personal one, and I don't want to have to face off with anyone anymore, ever," she declares.

She particularly likes the site www.3fatchicks.com, as do other readers. It's a site with links and a chat room run by three overweight sisters. These women let it all hang out, and I hope they're making some money for their honesty.

When you cruise around this website, you see what the reader means about the need to talk about NOT losing. It's a need to be reassured there are others whose struggles are greater than their victories. At a Weight Watchers or TOPS meeting, people may start to talk about how they gained two pounds in a week and how sad it's making them, but this doesn't last long. The leader or others chip in with suggestions and promises that things will be better next week.

"Things" are often not better next week; sometimes, in fact, they're worse. And if you can get into talking and listening to faceless people through your computer, there is, in the discussions, that reality. And, there's the flexibility to spend as much time as you want reading the postings and responding, or not.

Another reader finds the help she needs on eDiets.com, which, she says, "is loaded with information and 24/7 support," adding, "if they could just sell willpower, I'd be hooked."

The problem with most Internet sites, as with almost everything connected with weight loss, is that someone's trying to make money. The discussions may be helpful, but most sites are commercial, which is why I'd like an update from readers on sites that are not. We can include the addresses in a future column.

At least for one reader, the need to identify with others who are struggling is provided by this weekly column, where my own and many of your continued failures to lose weight are shared.

She writes, "I've suffered with some form of compulsive eating since I was 14, and I am almost 44 now. Although I am not overweight because I run a lot, there isn't a minute that goes by that I don't obsess about food. I've been on every diet, and I have bought every book on the subject. I've been to counselors, psychologists, etc., and no one has ever been able to help me understand what I now believe to be a real addiction.

"Since I've been reading your article every Thursday, I have kept my `addiction' under control. It is so comforting to know that I am not the only person who has to deal daily with what other people consider to be `no willpower' or gluttony. Just knowing that other people eat entire bags of Oreos, along with a gallon of ice cream, and can't stop even though we know it's bad for us, will make us fat, know every calorie of each mouthful, has given me the strength to fight the "food battle."