How to order a pizza by phone
Source of Recipe
the web
If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Answer their questions with questions.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
Ask what the order taker is wearing.
Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
Ask if there is warranty on the pizza
Change your accent every three seconds.
Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
Rent a pizza.
Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
Ask to see a menu.
Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
Report a petty theft to the order taker.
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
Put them on hold.
Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
Haggle.
Order a one-inch pizza.
Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
Order a steamed pizza.
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