Stumpy's Day-Cleaning Tips
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List of Ingredients
Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful
filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor
of 15 and leave it alone.
Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from
the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out
that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim,
"What? And spoil the mood?"
Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways
by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn
play animals for the children.
Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into
one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy
home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love
you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are
SO expensive."
Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn
on the coffee table and insist that, "This is where Grandma wanted us
to scatter her ashes."
Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty
wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears
as you say, "Junior did this when he was just two and I don't want to
wash the memories away."
General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine scented household cleaner
with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave
dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw
yourself on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't
get anywhere."
Recipe
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